Sometimes I think my life would be better in the third-person-not-affected-by-first-person-emotions life. As much as I'll tell you I try my best not to have feelings extend beyond friendship, and WAY before relationships, they happen. I'll get a girlfriend. Up until a little less than two years ago, I could've sworn I was right.
Then I let my mind obsess. I told it "Think what you want to think. There's nothing society can tell you otherwise. It's your mind, and you should only care what it tells you."And I will- I couldn't stop thinking of this one girl. Probably the second-only obsession I've had in high school, and it's clear the first one should've ended well within the first three weeks. But it's amazing how long it dragged on. I didn't have a moral balance to tell myself what I was thinking couldn't be healthy for future decisions. But it's only right for me to say I've had relationships past that two-year-ago mark where all I could think about was her, and I can't help to think it's because I let my mind get carried away.
But in this current relationship, it's withered away. It started strong- nothing but feelings for the girl in the relationship. As time ran along, I started pulling out pros and cons, "why's" and "if's". I just can't believe that one moment where all seemed doomed made me realize I had such deep feelings for her. And it wasn't until I started talking about it to my obsession that she clearly put it in perspective, and made me want her back like how it all started.
Bottom line is I shouldn't be allowed to date. Not now, not ever. Not unless it's clear in my mind I can ever make it bulletproof.
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